Getting Started Here

December, 2007

Greetings Everyone,

Deanna has already written a letter which says much of this past year, so I will keep this short.  The year has been a struggle, but it has been good and we have made progress.  We did not greet you last year at this time as we normally try to do.  We did not forget you.  Last year Deanna woke up on her 50^th birthday in Venice and we spent Christmas in Assisi, birthplace of St. Francis. 

It was no easy matter to launch that trip.  One week before our departure my computer crashed with all of our reservation information on it and for the preceding month my beloved Rollie dog was busy dying of diabetic complications that left us guessing from day to day as to whether he would recover or not.  With a drastic downturn in his condition in the final days, we had him put to sleep the day before we left for Europe.  It was a very sad note to begin the trip on, but all of the tumult I think eased the pain of his passing for me.  I still weep for his loss from time to time. 

I have a chronic tendency towards despair which life, the Universe, God, Mother Nature and the Great Chocolate Bunny are continually trying to teach me about.  The only constant is change.  Rollie could have grown ill and died while we were gone and I would have felt like the ultimate traitor, being gone.  Instead his timing was impeccable and all my anxiety was for naught.  Grief, yes, but peace too. 

And in Assisi I lost my wallet with around $500.00 in cash in it.  I was enraged.  I had ruined our trip.  Why even try to find it?  We've already looked everywhere and we have to catch a train in two hours.  Don't try to console me or be helpful!  It's hopeless!  But we stumbled on the taxi driver who was friends with the shopkeeper who found my wallet and had turned it in to the police station two blocks from where we stood.  Yup, it's hopeless alright.  Now, whenever things are difficult, I turn to Deanna and say "It's hopeless," and we laugh. 

Marriage is not an easy trip either.  Deanna is well recovered from her bout with cancer, but our marriage is still coming back.  It is no easy thing to redefine the basis of a relationship.  Time for this hopeless romantic (it's hopeless) to wake up and adjust to reality.  Slowly, with the aid of counseling, we are getting to know each other better.  It is a good thing, regardless of where it leads us. 

In some previous letter(s) I have finished off with a call to trust.  (Because I need to hear that.)  And it is appropriate at Christmas time, the dark of the year, the turning of the seasons and the calendar, to turn to hope for the future and trust that all is well.  Not a blind hope that all will be comfortable or pleasant, but a trust that we can each find the lesson, strength and peace in any given moment.  A few days ago I was at the Humane Society where, shortly, I begin work as a volunteer dog-walker.  Trust.  Live. 

God bless you all.  Take care.